Carson and Dio

I was Drunk when I loved you

I used to search for you in the crowd
A glowing radiance only you can emanate
Your light shone on me
Your brightness ever so enticing

My first mistake was thinking this light was only for me
Even when the sun knew that everyone would bask in their warmth
The intimacy of moonlight
Wasn’t there to illuminate only my darkness

Then you went away
Without warning
Without saying where you were going
Without telling me why you had to do it

I convinced myself that you needed to do it
That you had to leave without notice
Pushing back the thoughts that maybe
Just maybe, it was because of me

I still searched for you, yearned for your light
Looked up in the cloudy and starry skies
Hoping to just get a glimpse of you
A glimpse of what was once was

I practiced what to say to you
Engraved in my memory what I wanted to say
But I lost all hope for your return
I stopped looking for you

But then you came back
An apology was already at your quiver
I didn’t want to hear it anymore
But you still said it

Words that tasted bitter as I heard them leave your lips
How could something to mend deep wounds
Sound so superficial?
As if you were forced to say it, to make “peace”

Apologies have lost their meaning
To say “I’m sorry”, is a promise to do and be better
Not a means to escape from
Conversations that make you uncomfortable

So why come back?
When I have already accepted your absence
And mourned our memories together
No matter how fleeting they may be

So why try?
When I have burnt myself out
Living in the frigid landscape of your disappearance
I won’t welcome you back like the way I used to do

I’ve learned to live without you
Figured out how to be there not only for you
Even in the moments you pop up in my life
I don’t want to see you

But i’ll always wish for your happiness
Always be there when you need me
I’ve already let you go
Without you even knowing how much you meant to me